Kismet?

I just got an email from my nutritionist that I stopped seeing last year.  Is it fate that I get the message when I've decided to return to weight loss?  Am I ready to go back or will I be throwing money away?  Today I feel determined, on the weekend it all goes to hell.  And the scales, well I managed to put on 0.1kg.

My jeans are tight, this isn't cool.  I refuse to buy larger sizes.  I am going to lose more weight because dammit I've done it before I can do it again.

Dragging myself back on the wagon

So its been about seven months since I last posted anything.  At that stage I had decided I had finished my weight loss journey and was in maintenance mode.  Well, that didn't go so well, maintenance became "oh well its Christmas... oh well we're on holiday... oh man what a hard semester".  And the result?  Today I'm 90.6kg (up 11.6kg from my lowest) .  Yep, ninety point six kilograms.  That's 199.7lb, I'm only just under the 200lb mark.  God that is depressing.

I knew I had put on weight, my clothes were a bit tighter but I thought it was about 5kg and holding.  Then I saw a photo and went omg look at my face.  So I dug out my scales which I had hidden away and watched that number flash at me.

So now here I am, trying to shed the kg and the bad habits I have fallen back into.  But my god it is so hard.  Weight loss fucking sucks.  Seriously.

Anyway, went to the gym and really enjoyed it.  I hadn't been in six weeks!  It really has been the semester from hell for me, and the last half was just so insane I couldn't make time in my day to exercise.  Up at 6:30 to get kids and myself ready for work, then home at 5:30 to organise dinner. Then around 2hr of marking every evening after the kids went to bed.  But we have been hiking with the kids in the backpacks most weekend, so a little bit of exercise.  Hopefully next semester is calmer, it generally is the easier semester teaching load wise.

My current plan is no plan -LOL-  I have a vague idea that I should be able to go to the gym 3x a week for the next four weeks until classes start back.  Once uni is back, first half of semester I should be hitting the gym 2x if I'm organised enough and do work at home.  Because I exercise during work hours when uni is on, Wed and Thu I don't have classes until 10 so I can get a work out in before hand.  But at the price of skipping admin/marking work so I'll have to take it home.  Second half of semester all bets are off, that's when insanity kicks in with so much grading.

Food wise, I've started drinking green monster smoothies for breakfast which I'm loving.  Then its just watching the cals the rest of the day and trying to not eat anything after dinner.  Avoiding sweets, really that is my killer.  Tomorrow I have to make nomnom with my daughter for a party.  We're making cookies and cream fudge, and probably some cookies.  The kids are going to their first disco on Friday and spending the night at my sisters place for the first time.  So hubs and I can go out for dinner and movies.  So yeh, resisting the temptation of the fudge?  Picking better option at a restaurant and not eating popcorn.  This is my life..  wish me luck

Hi ya'll

Well here we are halfway though November, wow the year is almost done.  And today is my little man's birthday, he is the big 2.

I haven't been around much, even though I'm on break I just found I've not had much time.  Its amazing how busy life can keep you.  But on the weight front I'm maintaining, things have been good. I've found a semi-balance point where my weight seems stable and I'm mostly happy.  I say mostly because the last two weeks I've eaten badly, one of the things I hate about this time of year is the abundance of junk.  There are always get togethers, we have conferences or training sessions with too much yummy food, last Friday I was given an award (for being so damn awesome) and of course it involved an abundance of bad food and because it was in my honour the people organising were a little pushy about me going and eating and making sure I had a lot.  I actually left a lot of my plate and felt a bit bad about wasting the food but my hips thanked me, Xmas parties are starting too so that means I need to invoke a bit more self control.

As always its so easy to make excuses as well, last week I had the kids home for the whole week so I didn't get any exercise in, I used them as my excuse as to why I couldn't go to the gym or for a swim.  But really I should have at least gone walking (we did a few short walks but at toddler pace so not much really).  The previous week my sister was in hospital due to an accident and with going up to see her or waiting around for family members to show up I only made it for a couple swims.  I've not been to the gym proper for three weeks now. But this week I was craving it, Sunday we went for a walk with the kids in the back pack which was good and I swam a couple times.  I wanted to go to the gym today but forgot that I had booked in to give blood - DH and I both give blood together its like a weird date LOL

My plan is to work out at least four times a week for the rest of the summer, except over Xmas/NYs when the kids are home.  The other thing I need to commit to is getting back in to healthier snacks and not eating after dinner.  Those back sliding habits will be back-side making habits!

Pics pics pics

Today some of my students wanted to take a photo with me, as this is the last time I will teach them.  Its interesting to compare this photo to the photo taken in 2009 also in the lab.

Then there is this photo in 2010, again I ballooned and never noticed I got that big.  You can barely see my eyes! Compare to one taken last week in a dress my sister bought for me to celebrate weight loss.

And because I can't help but show my cuties, here is Oakley going for his first rollerskate on Sunday.  He was all about just let me go Mum I wanna do it by myself.

Peek-a-boo

Thought I'd better throw some words here.  I'm super busy as semester draws to an end, I have one more week of teaching and then we're in to exams, so as of next Friday life slows down yay.  I have graduation for our students on Wednesday and I'm quite excited about it because this year I'm not going to be ducking the cameras :)  The following Wednesday I have to chair a conference and that is pretty much the last thing in my diary for things I have to be places I have to be.  Such an awesome feeling to know that its almost summer, almost holidays woohoo.

Weight wise I'm in maintenance, I've done enough.  A year and a half and I just do not have the drive anymore, and I'm ok with it.  I'll post a pic of moi soon, but until then here is my fav quote at the moment, had to make it in to a pic to inspire.

Hope everyone is good, I'll do the rounds in a week or so.

Mucho love
jitters aka wiggly aka brydget

My name is Jitterfish, and I'm a sweet-a-holic

Its so obvious really, but to be honest I've only just realised I truly am an addict when it comes to sugary treats. I cannot have just one, and if I know they are there I cannot control myself.  I always joked about being an addict, but its with a big ol "duh" and a little bit of liberation that I realised that I am an addict.

Now just how to deal with it.  For one not having it in the house. I now know that even when I get to goal this is going to have to be the norm, if I have the junk I'll eat the junk.  Lucky for me I'm not to fussed for crisps, I've very much a sweet tooth. It means the kids have to have very boring cookies that I don't really like, not a bad thing I guess. This will get more challenging as they get older though!

Guess I'm lucky I don't like alcohol as well, bright side right?

A mixed victory

Fridays are my hardest day of the week, its the day I'm always off plan and eat crap.  Today was no different.  It started with a cookie eaten quickly with guilt, and of course not actually enjoyed so why why why did I do it?  Then I felt good about myself when at music I only had a cup of tea and didn't partake in the choccie bikkies on offer.  Lunch was good and then the danger zone, Friday afternoon.  I eyed up the kids cookies and told myself no, and then my eyes spied chocolate buttons.  There was a moment of "aw shit" LOL. My sister had come over on Wed and made cakes with the kids and I thought she had used all the chocolate up or taken it home.  I lasted about two hours before a crinkle could be heard from the pantry as I opened the packet and ate some buttons, then some peanut butter.  Because nom nom choccie and pb!

Then as I contemplated "should I eat them all at once to get rid of them" (y'all know that idea, eat it so its not in the house!) it occurred to me that if I didn't want them in the house to avoid temptation then it was so frickin simple, get rid of them.  I poured them in to the sink, ran the hot water and watched (with almost tears) the chocolate melt away.

So I feel a little proud and a little disappointed.  I wish I had the will power to have chocolate in the house, chocolate buttons are great mini-treats for the kids.  But I just have no control.

Found the map again, we're back on track

I've decided to keep up the weight loss :)  I thought about it and figured yanno my hormones have been messed up for 4+ years now, what is another couple of months? In all honesty I think I was just looking for an excuse to stop, and an excuse to eat cake and crap!

As you ladies know it can be such a tiresome commitment. Sometimes weight loss becomes all consuming, and last week it was like that.  Partly I think because I had my period which is a horrid time for me, and all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself and eat as much crap as I could get my hands on. I hate those days when it seems like you can't stop thinking about food, eating a meal and all ready you're thinking about when you can next eat and what you're gonna have and are there any cookies in the house.

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to go to the gym soon or not.  I had planned on getting in a cardio session today even though I've already been swimming this morning.  But I'm going out to dinner tonight FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 3.5YEARS WITHOUT KIDS.  Yeh, first time in that long, amazing right?! My sister is baby-sitting and Neil and I are going out for Turkish.  Then next weekend we're going out again because its out 16yr anniversary and Debbie (who looks after my kids during the day) is going to look after them for us.  So exciting.  Err... I digressed... yeh so to gym or not?  My muscles are kind of tired from swimming (current pool so its harder than normal swimming) but I'm pretty sure I'll eat more than I should tonight so I'm thinking trade off.

Plus, if I stay home I have to keep marking -LOL-  I've only got about 15 essays to go, amazing really I've churned through them this break, I'm actually going to be done before semester starts back on Monday which means I will have a week before my next big lot of marking arrives which makes a nice change.  My students have on the whole written really well this time around, my overall average is higher than it should be if I care about the curve but I don't - I believe that a student should get the grade they earn.

So time to go tie on my trainers then.  After a quick round of blog catching up that is.

A journey pause?

I might be stopping trying to lose any more weight.  My Dr has suggested I stop trying and let my body just maintain for the next six months or so due to period and messed up hormone issues.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  On the one hand I want to listen to Dr advice.  On the other its just a possibility that the weight loss has messed with my hormones and that giving my body a good break will help it reset.  Part of me wants to take advice purely because I'm actually really sick of trying to lose weight.  But I'm soooo close.  If I could stay on plan I could slog it out and be at goal in two months.  What's another two months right?

Gah.

I was on some hormone pills to try and sort things (really irregular and painful periods) and that didn't help.  And when I lost 10cm around my booty and some around my arms that is an oestrogen storage site so it is all linked.

Its so easy to use this as an excuse and just say ok I'm done.  But what if I can't maintain and I gain?  Honestly I'm scared I'm going to gain all my weight back because while I've made some life style changes I still have no will power around sweets etc.  If there is chocolate in the house it is in my mouth!  So if I haven't made permanent sticking changes what will happen?

A loss

I lost 1.5kg (3.3lb) of fat these past three weeks.  I almost said "only", but then remembered this pic.  1lb of fat, ewwww-ick.

I realised that I had been eating too much rice, I was suppose to be having 80g COOKED as a serve, but I was doing 80g RAW.  ooooops.  It equated to around 2-3x the amount, and given that I was eating that twice a day um yeah.  oopppps -LOL-

Jake was ok about the loss, but we had expected 2.1kg so there was a slight look of disappointed parent about him.  I will have that as the loss for the next weigh in.  In fact I'm hoping for more, I'm aiming for 3kg to make up for the not quite hitting goal last time.

Within 10kg to goal, man I've been so close for so long. If feels like forever. But I'll get there.  And super exciting Neil and I celebrate our 16 year anniversary in three weeks and at that time I'll weigh the same as what I weighed when I met him.  Booyah!

Back to essays.  Argghhhh.  The next six weeks are going to be a nightmare of grading.  And I will not use food as a comforter/mindless eating/distraction.  I've made a schedule to ensure I get exercise in and I even have house cleaning on there are distraction LOL.