Procrastination station

I should be reading essays but I can't face another one.  The topic is fun, resurrecting the woolly mammoth, could we do it and if we did what would the impact be.  But I just read a dreadful one so I need a break.  I am resisting the urge to snack, dammit I hate this time of year!  I have six week ahead of me of marking.  Essays will take me about three weeks and then right about the time I finish then the next round comes in (reports this time), plus I have my weekly marking that never ends.

I had a stressful day, that combined with the marking really makes me want chocolate.  I'm fighting every day at the moment to stay on plan, sometimes I win, sometimes I don't.  I see Jake on Friday and I'm a little nervous.  I'm not weighing myself so I don't know if I've lost, I fear the reprisal if I haven't -LOL-

Ok, back to the next one...

All the small things

This morning I ran in to an old friend, I've not seen her in around 5 or 6 years or about my peak fat period.  She didn't recognise me!  She was so blown away she couldn't stop saying how good I looked, what an inspiration etc etc.  Yep, pretty damn stoked with that reaction!

My weight doesn't seem to have dropped, I'm trying not to obsess on that.  Pretty sure TOM is about to show (I'm not exactly regular alas), and I've been mostly good.  There have been a couple of cookies though that made it past my will power barrier.  But I did stand up to chocolate cake and candy on Monday which made me feel pretty awesome.

I have to go buy new underwear, size small.  Say whaaaaat!  Yep, I bought medium just a couple weeks ago, bought a few pairs, and now they are slowly slipping down, yanno that feeling!  Not too bad if I'm wearing pants, but I wear a lot of skirts for work so really not comfy.  And when exercising really bad.

Arms are tired today from working my guns on the rower.  Inspired by watching Olympic re-runs.

Because Mrs Munch asked for it

The first is me around my heaviest (~130kg), Christmas 2006.  The second is me last week, around 80kg.  The dress is actually a little too big now, I have more of a waist (wtf I have a waist!!).

Whoop whoop!

Saw Jake today and I'm a happy Jitterfish today.  In the month I lost 5.4kg of fat (12lb) and put on 1.4kg of muscle (3lb).  So I'm now in the healthy fat range, I'm normal yay.  In addition to weight measurements Jake tells body measurements, body circumferences and key fat storage areas.  Most impressively I lost 10cm (4 inches) around my butt, and my hip fat halved (23mm down to 11mm). 

After my totally off plan weekend (which I told him about) I am so happy.  And he was happy, he said I had exceeded his expectations which made me feel pretty awesome.  But there is danger, in my head I keep thinking "well I did this well even though I ate badly, so I can eat badly and get away with it..."  Ah, sneaky devil get off my shoulder.  I've got two social engagements this weekend, one an adults party with alcohol and the other a kids party with lots of kids party food.  So I will need restraint.  I'm not a drinker, I drink a couple times a year but I said I was going to drink to celebrate a friend returning to the USA. 

And so that's me.

So far off plan I'm pretty sure I'm on another continent!

Today was one of those days.  We had what we call our craft day, I get together with some friends and we make crafts and eat too much and drink.  Today I didn't drink, but I certainly ate too much.  Because one of the crafts I always do is try out a new recipe, something that I've been wanting to try but know I can't have in the house or I will eat it all.  I made cookies n' cream slice (because I also make a cookies n' cream fudge and I wanted to trial a slice to see if I can use it as a base and make a nom nom desert).  Which I didn't eat too much of, but C made fresh bread from scratch and I am a sucker for fresh bread.  Plus we had BK for lunch, I've not eaten it in probably six months and suddenly I really wanted it so instead of opting for something healthy yep I had a double cheese burger.

But crafty wise I did good, I will post pics when its all finished but its in multi stages.  I'm making a sign for Oakley's bedroom, and putting together a gift hamper for my oldest friend. The hamper is going to be a birthday survival kit :)  I never use to in to craft, but our craft days are awesome.  And I have become a pinner I admit, I frickin' love pinterest!

So while I'm not beating myself up over it too much, I am a little gah about it because I see Jake (nutritionist) on Wednesday and I wanted to be able to say I had stayed on plan and been really good.  I was suppose to see him yesterday but he had eye surgery so had to cancel.  Ah well, life is life right?  And its not like it will do major damage, I'm not going to suddenly put on 10kg or something!

Thought for the day

When brain and body don't match

I'm at the stage in this journey where I have come so very far, I have just a little way to go, but I don't feel like I am any near the end.  To be honest, ignoring the obvious being able to exercise I don't feel any different.  In my mind I'm still wigglyjigglyfatty. 

This was very evident the past two days when I tried on some clothes.  I had gone to a thrift store in search of junk to re-purpose (we have a girls craft day where we get together and craft it up and drink), and saw two tops I really liked.  One was a large and one was medium.  I grabbed them and tried them on and they were both too big.  The large was gaping especially around the bust and arms.  The medium was so unflattering the way it hung off me.  I shrugged it off thinking they must have been stretched out, I mean how can I not be a large? 

Today while buying some new gym socks I saw a top on special, I thought I'd grab the medium thinking oh a possible goal top.  It was too big.  I stared in the mirror, and turned around many times, trying to see what was wrong.  I decided to try the small and it fit.  I should feel ecstatic right?  Nope.  I felt.... afraid and awkward.  Suddenly I couldn't tell if the top looked ok, I mean it fit and I couldn't see the muffin top or rolls.  But I couldn't buy it because... it was a SMALL and that - just - isn't - right.

Down with non-food

I haven't been to the gym in FOREVER (almost a week in reality). Its like an itch that you can't scratch, a niggly feeling of you've forgotten something. I just want to go to the gym. But the problem is I'm a morning exerciser, in the evenings I just can't do it, its half hearted. I was thinking last night after the kids went to bed that I should go to the gym, that something is better than nothing right? Well its cold and dark, and the gym is all the way on the other side of town, I'd have to move Neil's car... a million reasons. Then this morning I wake up and feel like I could run to the gym. Damn body clocks.

I won't be going to the gym until Monday when I go back to work. Yep that's right break is almost over. Then six weeks of teaching, 2 weeks off, six weeks of teaching and OMFG the year is over. When I think like that it feels like the year is almost over. But I need to reign the brain in, because by Sep 15 I want to be sitting happily at 75-72kg. It is so close, 7-10kg to go in about 8 weeks. I know its do-able, but I'm not sure if I will get there. The closer to the ceiling the harder it is for sure. But by Xmas, hells yeah I'm gonna wear a pretty dress this year.

Eating on plan. My typical day is:

• 35g of special k and a protein shake
• yoghurt and apple
• chicken salad sammie
• 2 mandarins and 15 almonds
• sweet potato, chicken and salad

I'm currently looking for recipes to make my own protein bars, I don't want to buy them all the time but I know once I'm a work (so eating gets harder due to time constraints) that protein bars are the best afternoon snack option for me. But they are filled with non-food. Non-food is any ingredient that has more than 3 syllables or a number in it (only applies to english words). When its science speak, its not food -LOL- So broc-co-li is acceptable, po-ly-dex-trose is not ;) I'm sure there are exceptions, feel free to tell me.

Just some ramblings

Not really sure what this post is about. I just wanted to write. The eating plan is going good, always great when I can stay I'm staying on plan. At least on plan food wise, exercise wise I won't be getting to the gym for a week :( I've got the kids home for the week, but if the weather is fine I'll try and go for a walk with them in the push chair. But its winter, so really chances of fine weather isn't great. Man, I've been eating so much raw broccoli lately so I've got lots of stinky farts going on. TMI I know, but in our house farts are celebrated. Oakley in particular thinks they are hilarious, nothing cuter than a 1.5yr old farting and giggling, and the giggles making him fart more!

Some pics

So I found an old photo, taken at what would have been my heaviest (~290lb) and I was amazed.  As was my husband, he said he couldn't remember me ever being this big. Now unfortunately our camera is broken so we haven't taken any pics recently but this one here is my most recent and also the fat jeans pic.

Never again folks, never again.