Silly NSV

With little kids things get lost.  Yesterday it was the TV remote, and as we have a TV that has to be used with the remote it was a dire situation haha.  Anyway Oakley had put it in to the hole in the speaker,  a hole that neither Neil nor I can get our hands in to and unfortunately Willow couldn't work out how to turn the remote around to get it out the hole (imagine the video of a dog trying to take its big stick through a doorway).

So I was wondering what to do about the situation and thought I'd see if I could use my fingers to turn the remote around, I figured if I wiggled enough I could get the remote orientated correctly and then Willow would be able to get it out.  Well, turns out I have lost weight in my hands and wrist because much to Neils shock I could get my hand in there.

I don't know why I continue to be so surprised by my own weight loss.  I mean, my medical alert bracelet which use to be tight on my wrist is now so loose I can take it off over my hand no need to undo it.  I actually am going to have to go get some links removed.  My wedding ring is now too loose for all my fingers and I'm going to have to stop wearing it until I lose the last 10kg and stabilise (I break chains so not keen to wear it around my neck).

Neil actually stopped and took a proper look at me and he was amazed at how much I'd lost in my arms as well, that same reaction as I had about my arms.  Mrs Munchberry you're so right, across my shoulders and my upper torso must be where I've lost the last 5kg.

TL;DR my hands are little enough to get in our speakers

A new list

So awhile a go I stole from Mrs Munch a list of things I most hated about my body.  Yesterday I went clothes shopping and had the chance to stare at myself in a full length mirror (we don't own one) and now I have a new list.

1. Mummy tummy
Oh yeh, its still number one.  But yanno what, its gone down!  I didn't notice until I stood on the side and realised that it really isn't so bulgy pot-belly!

2. Boobs
I use to love my boobs, now after two kids and a weight bounce of up to 130, down to 90, up to 120, down to 86 I'm starting to look like one of those woman from a long lost African tribe on some nature documentary.  Just a whole lot more white haha.

3. Thighs
I know I've lost weight in my thighs, I can tell because I fit smaller pants.  But they don't look like they have gone down.  There is soooo much fat there argh.

What's not on the list that use to be?  My arms!  My bingo wings that would continue to wave even when my hand stopped moving.  Yanno why?  They've reduce.  Holy fuck I didn't realise until yesterday but I am no longer deadly ashamed on my upper arms.  Today in fact I'm wearing a short short arm top.  They're not sexy, they're still fat and flabby and hangy down.  But they're not wings anymore.

Also while trying on clothes I got a size too big because I thought that was my size.  I thought I was still XL but nope, L.  And size 16 was loose but size 14 too tight.  Actually today I have a size 14 top and a size 16 jeans.  So in between sizes but yeh getting on in to those 14s.

40kg gone

86.2kg, woohoo!  From my heaviest I am now down more than 40kg.  I am so happy and it is motivating to see those numbers and think that come Jan 24th next year (which will be one year of weight loss) I should be at my 75kg goal.  And then I will reassess.  Because I would be over the moon happy at 75kg although it is still over weight and for my height I should be in the 60s, but I can't imagine that.  So we'll just have to see.

Neil is in Australia until Wed which actually makes weight loss easier food wise because I can eat what I want without having to cook different/extra for him and then being tempted.  But I miss him and he hasn't even been gone 24 hours yet.

Progress pics!

Me at around 120kg (265lb), I don't have a photo at my heaviest. And then me today at 88kg (195lb)


Me in my old fat jeans. No way am I ever going to fit these again

I'm baaaack

Bring on the holidays!  Yep, I'm on break from work until March now and so its back to focusing on weight loss.  I maintained throughout the semester, fluctuating up and down around the normal body phases of 2kg.  At the moment I am 89.1kg (196lb) and hoping to lose around 0.5kg a week.  I can make it to the gym 3 days (the days the kids are staying in care), but hopefully I'll get a fourth workout in as well.

I was thinking about low carb again, but its too much hard work -LOL-  I want a weight reduction plan that fits with my life with nothing being off limits.  I love pasta and bread and sugar.  And yeh that is probably why I am fat so giving it up would be good, but I just can't do it!

So my plan?  Simple, I'm going to plan.  Back to writing down what I'm going to eat and then recording what I do eat.  Back to having goals and trying to achieve them.  Back to focusing on me and letting all the stress go.

I'll do the rounds and say hello soon.  I have Willow at home with me today and we're off to go play now.  But I wanted to log in and start my journey again.

Because I said I'd post them

Ok so here are pics of a very messy night, in more ways than one -LOL-  I haven't really drunken alcohol for more than 4 years, and I haven't been this drunk for 10 years I'd say.  So here we go - drunk Brydget dressed as a geisha.  Note to self, never paint your face again.  But at least I only did my face, the theme was "professions", K decided to be a black 80s gym instructor, she is a super white girl so hilarious.

Our paint came off as the night progressed - I had facial dandruff all night -LOL-  By the end of the night all around my mouth was gone.  Had to wash my face before I could go to sleep, woke up with black arms though because I used black hair spray on my hair.  But awesome night!

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback

So title is one of my favourite sayings.  And I'm really there right now.  I have learned and realised a lot the last few days.

• My taste in food has changed

I was given chocolate today and like an addict I scarfed it down - I hadn't had lunch due to hectic day so when J came in to my class this afternoon with chocolate temptation took hold.  In the lab you're not allowed to eat so I was being naughty twice over!  After class I ate some more while I was marking and as I crammed some chocolate in to my mouth I suddenly realised that chocolate while tasting good doesn't taste fantastic.  It use to be flavour orgasm in my mouth.  I then wrapped up the chocolate and brought it home for DH.  While I know I will get cravings again it was like a light went on in that moment and I suddenly realised just how many foods I had eaten lately that I had thought yanno this is ok/good instead of ohhhhhh more more more.

• I miss and need exercise

Waiting until end of semester to exercise sucks - its not an excuse to get out of exercise like I began to wonder.  I am just so busy and by the end of day way too exhausted.  Normally I'd go this morning but my to do list is growing instead of shrinking so I had to make the hard choice and do work (because normally I go when I should be working technically, got to love my job!).  And I miss it, I want to go.  I can't wait until end of semester (two weeks!).

• I'm no longer just a fatty

I can join in conversations about exercise etc without feeling awkward.  We were talking about the gym yesterday, before I would have just been silent but I was like oh you mean the seated row and then even joked that I was proud that I knew what it was.  My friend who is training for a marathon and running around 20km 6x a week at the moment was talking about her run, I laughed and said I was proud I could run 1km and yanno what?  I AM proud.  Before I would never admit that I couldn't run that far, but now I'm like bring it, think what you want say what you want - yeh I'm fat but I'm not just a fatty anymore I'm getting in to shape.

So there we have it, I'm in limbo for another couple weeks, I will probably gain because I have social engagements both weekends including alcohol drinking (I'm going to get drunk for the first time in 4 years!).  But its not going to be a derailment, its conscious.  I will endeavour to make wise choices and I will accept a gain but will not resign myself to it.  If it goes on, it sure as hell is coming back off!

Lying to myself

I ate total crap tonight, and I found myself writing this post about how it wasn't that bad blah blah.  I'm zen and its ok because I'm in maintenance and I'm not losing or gain blah blah. Then I realised I was so making excuses.

To be honest I'm pretty fucking pissed at myself.  Why did I eat food that I don't even like that much or enjoy and OVER EAT on it.  And end up feeling crappy.  And mad.  Fucking hell get it together.

Someone needs to kick me in the ass, I'm not bendy enough.  Another goal to add?  Being able to kick my own ass?  -LOL-

Where does our time go?

This semester is just insane.  It is revving up to end of semester, less than a month and it is over!

I've got a friends birthday party in two weeks, I'm going dressed as a Gaisha (well that is current plan), I'm super excited about it and will take pics to post.  I've never wanted to take photos before but I find myself not hating the camera so much now.  Today at the gym I took a serious look at myself (we don't own a full length mirror, just mirror over bathroom sink!) and was like wow ok I really have lost weight.  Sure there is heaps to go, but I am over the half way mark.  I'm almost 100lb lighter so of course it shows, but you know I am only really now just seeing how it shows.  Luckily no one was in the gym because I was fully checking myself out -LOL-

I need to pee, so I'll call this done.

Maintaining v2.0

So semester is back, so I'm on maintenance mode again.  Sucks because I know I should be able to lose weight just by watching what I eat but I love food and reducing my cal intake just doesn't seem to work.  I'm eating healthy though so all good.

I've had two comments in two days about how good I'm looking so booyah!  Clothes are fitting better even if the scale isn't budging.

I have a school reunion in about 6 weeks, would be nice to lose a buttload of weight before then but really I'm just stoked to be where I am.  I'm not about to starve or go silly, because I know that doesn't work for me and I'll put it back.

Slow and steady wins the race, and stays alive.