Because I said I'd post them

Ok so here are pics of a very messy night, in more ways than one -LOL-  I haven't really drunken alcohol for more than 4 years, and I haven't been this drunk for 10 years I'd say.  So here we go - drunk Brydget dressed as a geisha.  Note to self, never paint your face again.  But at least I only did my face, the theme was "professions", K decided to be a black 80s gym instructor, she is a super white girl so hilarious.

Our paint came off as the night progressed - I had facial dandruff all night -LOL-  By the end of the night all around my mouth was gone.  Had to wash my face before I could go to sleep, woke up with black arms though because I used black hair spray on my hair.  But awesome night!

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback

So title is one of my favourite sayings.  And I'm really there right now.  I have learned and realised a lot the last few days.

• My taste in food has changed

I was given chocolate today and like an addict I scarfed it down - I hadn't had lunch due to hectic day so when J came in to my class this afternoon with chocolate temptation took hold.  In the lab you're not allowed to eat so I was being naughty twice over!  After class I ate some more while I was marking and as I crammed some chocolate in to my mouth I suddenly realised that chocolate while tasting good doesn't taste fantastic.  It use to be flavour orgasm in my mouth.  I then wrapped up the chocolate and brought it home for DH.  While I know I will get cravings again it was like a light went on in that moment and I suddenly realised just how many foods I had eaten lately that I had thought yanno this is ok/good instead of ohhhhhh more more more.

• I miss and need exercise

Waiting until end of semester to exercise sucks - its not an excuse to get out of exercise like I began to wonder.  I am just so busy and by the end of day way too exhausted.  Normally I'd go this morning but my to do list is growing instead of shrinking so I had to make the hard choice and do work (because normally I go when I should be working technically, got to love my job!).  And I miss it, I want to go.  I can't wait until end of semester (two weeks!).

• I'm no longer just a fatty

I can join in conversations about exercise etc without feeling awkward.  We were talking about the gym yesterday, before I would have just been silent but I was like oh you mean the seated row and then even joked that I was proud that I knew what it was.  My friend who is training for a marathon and running around 20km 6x a week at the moment was talking about her run, I laughed and said I was proud I could run 1km and yanno what?  I AM proud.  Before I would never admit that I couldn't run that far, but now I'm like bring it, think what you want say what you want - yeh I'm fat but I'm not just a fatty anymore I'm getting in to shape.

So there we have it, I'm in limbo for another couple weeks, I will probably gain because I have social engagements both weekends including alcohol drinking (I'm going to get drunk for the first time in 4 years!).  But its not going to be a derailment, its conscious.  I will endeavour to make wise choices and I will accept a gain but will not resign myself to it.  If it goes on, it sure as hell is coming back off!

Lying to myself

I ate total crap tonight, and I found myself writing this post about how it wasn't that bad blah blah.  I'm zen and its ok because I'm in maintenance and I'm not losing or gain blah blah. Then I realised I was so making excuses.

To be honest I'm pretty fucking pissed at myself.  Why did I eat food that I don't even like that much or enjoy and OVER EAT on it.  And end up feeling crappy.  And mad.  Fucking hell get it together.

Someone needs to kick me in the ass, I'm not bendy enough.  Another goal to add?  Being able to kick my own ass?  -LOL-

Where does our time go?

This semester is just insane.  It is revving up to end of semester, less than a month and it is over!

I've got a friends birthday party in two weeks, I'm going dressed as a Gaisha (well that is current plan), I'm super excited about it and will take pics to post.  I've never wanted to take photos before but I find myself not hating the camera so much now.  Today at the gym I took a serious look at myself (we don't own a full length mirror, just mirror over bathroom sink!) and was like wow ok I really have lost weight.  Sure there is heaps to go, but I am over the half way mark.  I'm almost 100lb lighter so of course it shows, but you know I am only really now just seeing how it shows.  Luckily no one was in the gym because I was fully checking myself out -LOL-

I need to pee, so I'll call this done.

Maintaining v2.0

So semester is back, so I'm on maintenance mode again.  Sucks because I know I should be able to lose weight just by watching what I eat but I love food and reducing my cal intake just doesn't seem to work.  I'm eating healthy though so all good.

I've had two comments in two days about how good I'm looking so booyah!  Clothes are fitting better even if the scale isn't budging.

I have a school reunion in about 6 weeks, would be nice to lose a buttload of weight before then but really I'm just stoked to be where I am.  I'm not about to starve or go silly, because I know that doesn't work for me and I'll put it back.

Slow and steady wins the race, and stays alive.

Xdream awesome!

The gym has got an Xdream, which is a simulator style bike.  Man it is cool fun.  You're on a stationary bike (similar to the spin bikes), but you have a comp screen in front of you and you bike tracks.  You have to go around corners (leaning), go up and down hills and feel the bike respond, different surfaces like dirt or gravel.  It has brakes and gears, but as I don't know how to ride a bike (shocking I know) I just peddle away.  But my butt hurts after 10min -LOL-  But man, 10min and I'm sweating and don't need to go any longer.  This is a screen shot of the comp screen.

In other news I was a good samaritan today, keeping my good karma points up.  When leaving the gym there was a lady carrying her young child (about 2) and it was raining.  I drove past her and then did a U-turn when I realised she wasn't walking to a car and then stopped and gave her a lift (because I have car seats of course).  She was so grateful, but I was like hey I just hope if I'm every in your position some one will do that for me.  Because I know carrying either of my kids is a killer -LOL-  A new little boy started with D yesterday (D is a lovely lady that looks after my two kids, plus two others now).  He is 18mos, and slightly smaller than Oakley (who is 9mos)  haha.  I have monster kids.

Grrrr

So I've been good this week, been to the gym three times.  Out of curiosity I jumped on the scales and I've put on weight!  WTF.  I know its a fluctuation, but it pisses me off.  Then weight I lost last week is back.

See this is why I could never weigh daily -LOL-  I should know just Mon and Fri.  Oh well, we'll see what happens on Friday.

I have been doing awesome at the gym, really pushing myself on the bike which I haven't done before.  Before I'd get on and cycle away but I'd never really be sweating a whole lot, now I get off drenched because I spend at least 10min really pushing it (well for me, RPM at 85+ and resistance 3-6).

Today I resisted lemon cake and chocolate brownies.  I had a three hour workshop and of course there was candy and cake.  I had a banana.  I felt very virtuous but man those brownies looked good -LOL-

And the scales says...

strip off, get on the scales, watch the numbers fluctuate and squint down until they stop blinking.  Get off and bend over to double check that yes it is reading 88.4kg (194.9lb).  Just over 1kg (2lb) loss this week. wo0t.  I needed that.  I was scared that I was saying I was going to maintain but really I had just lost motivation.  But nope, I feel back on track (at least for another week, and then probably maintenance mode for six weeks).

At the gym today

So I'm not a social person at the gym, I like to get a sweat on and day dream or listen to music.   So today when a lady sat next to me and started talking I was really regretting that my mp3 player was flat!

She was a chatting away and I was being polite but not overly talkative.  Then she busts out with how I should use her as motivation "you see, I've lost 10kg [22lbs] since November, if I can then you can too".  I couldn't help myself when I replied "that's great, I've lost about 30 since January", then after I thought oh man was that rude?  Should I have just said how wonderful and then kept my fat mouth shut?

I'm weighing tomorrow morning and I'm hoping for a loss.  But if not no biggy, because I know my jeans are feeling loser in the legs so wo0t.

Oh yes I'm still here

So term has ended, absolutely insane.  I now have two weeks of recess but so much marking, there is no way I'm going to get through it all, or everything else I need to do.  More hours needed.

But I'm back on the weight loss train.  I went in to maintenance mode and kept my weight steady, no loss or gain so not bad.  I've done three work outs in the last three days, tomorrow is a rest day, and then Thurs in another gym day.  Not sure what I will do Friday, but something to get my booty moving.  I want to go hard for the next two weeks because I will probably have to go in to maintenance again for the last six weeks of semester.

Weight=89.5kg (197lb)